Fufurufa, it means fucking whore prostitute bitch in Colombian, tops the list. Ross, you are a fufurufu.
There have been a lot of questions milling around about whether or not Heim and I have been GCDW (collectively) down here and I want to start this post off by clearing it up: with all likelyhood jeboy B. Raves has surveyed more pune in the past month than Trav and I combined... if only for the fact that he gets porn in the office and trav and i have to sneak a colombian maxim into the bathroom (now heim hides it, jealous bitch). COLOMBIA HAS BEEN DRY MEBOYS! at least I think it has. Theim could be working the nasty as I speak, but I´ll come back to that.
Weve developed a comprehensive list of excuses to save my precious ego and heims precious reflection from taking too solid of a hit. Weve decided that there is no chance that we are not hot enough, or dont have enough game to pull pussy. Its just that we havent figured out the rules yet. And let me tell you, this shit aint easy.
Example A: Brendan meets a seemingly innocent young (dont ask how young cause I have no fucking clue, dont ask dont tell meboys) lady at a classy bar (10 dollars for all that you can drink, chicks in free, guy that looks like Tobar singing 80´s rock and samba music on top of the bar, 14 year olds with braces admitted (weve got the picks! hotties). Obviously, she falls madly in love with him. A given.
Brendan gets back to the internet to creep on her, learns 2 pics in that his innocent little girly is actually a stagedancer. Things are never what they seem.
A trail of fbook messages leads to the decision to go to a movie after class one day last week. Then i invite the stagedancer to our apartment before the movie so that we can ride to the movie together and she freaks! She spits out something about "improprio" which I assumed meant that her cune was getting wet and then refused to talk to me again. Game over. Stagedancer 1, Brendan 0.
Then we get to Companera Draft Day. Trav and I managed to snag an excel file on EVERY chick in the school (i know how fucking SIIIICK are we) that is looking to be an intercambio partner (they learn english, you try to touch thier vaginas). Anyways, 4000 pesos worth of facebook creeping later we each have our selections down to 3 from a list of 400 and we do a draft, one by one til we each have our top three to message to become our partners. We send em out and wait.
A week passes, and I get one message back, Trav gets none (probably bc im sicker). Mine agrees to meet, i check fbook and she also decided that today was a good day to start a relationship. Ive got nothing. Anyways, late that week Trav gets hit up. Its his 3rd rounder, a true wildcard (her fbook pic had 4 people in it, 2 possible bfs and 2 chicks - one hot, one horse).
Trav meets up with his companera the next day, he comes to get me (im looking at underage girls in the cafeteria) to introduce me... i see a heimatime shiteating grin.... FUCK FUCK FUCK, i knew it before i saw her. Trav 1, Brendan 0, Stagedancer 1.
FUCKING GORGEOUS, this chick is like a colombian (believe me they look different than mexicans) Penelope Cruz. FUCKING GORGEOUS. And just to make it even more aparent how much Im fucked in the situation Penelope Cruz´s three closest friends (withwhom shes sitting) are fucking dogs... scratch that, 2 dogs, one horse (serioulsy hilarious, trav will post a pic for ya). Thats rule number 2, every sexy lady in Colombia roles with a crew of troll henchmen so that the wingman clearly knows that he is a wingman and the Bella knows that she is a fucking dime.
Trav works his mojo and Penelope is coming to our apartment for drinks on Friday, she says she might bring friends. As much as I want to talk in spanish to a horse all night I decide to get crafty on it. I call up another classy lady that I met in a bar (this one is 18 and I know it.... before i learned the dont ask dont tell rule) anyways, this one only speaks spanish as well. We have a 10 minute convo in broken spanish (on my part) over the phone and I emerge triumphant into the living room with trav. Shes coming out and bringing her brother (which strangely is normal around here). Anways, travs chick shows up at our place WITH ALL THREE HENCHMEN... then my chick shows up. Hermana sounds a lot like hermano, she was with her sister, she doesnt have brother.
We fight through a night trying to entertain 6 chicks withonly our striking good looks and Cat in the Hat Spanish. We fail miserably. Travis gets his tongue wet.
Date numero 2 was tonight. Movie in spanish. While Travs working his game I find his Maxim and jerk it. Twice. Gotcha bitch. A small reprieve for a sad lottery pitfall. Penelope asks him to meet the parents (I cant wait to live vicariously through that one). I leave to use the internet to let heimawork that heima magic when they get home. Hes been practicing choice words for the occasion for the last few days: ejacular, prematurar, of course the worldrenouned El Moodhino.... ill leave the rest of the story to jaboy
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4 comments:
God i fucking love it. Put an update soon.
hahaha, god I love yall. Make a name for yourselves down there!
and by "looking like tobar" u mean he was getting his nut on pimpin all those swamp tramps...
at the request of heimatime, here is my highlight of last weekend:
(below is an email from one of jaboyz, in response to me asking how his sunday night turned out. can anyone guess who this is?)
"Was not too shabby, 2 different girls w/ in 24 hours. Guess I’m starting to shake off that rust. I tried to get Siegel to go in on a double last night. Was a pretty hilarious conversation."
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