Shut down, crashed, and burned

So last night B and I decided to go out and see for ourselves what this famous Medellin nightlife had to offer. From what everyone in the hostel had been saying, we had imagened that every girl in the club would be fucking gorgeous, aided by one of colombia´s domestic products (plastic surgery) and that they would throw their tits in our face as soon as they saw our gringo asses walk in. I mean come on, the guys telling us how hot and easy the girls are, undoubtedly have much less going for them compared to the world´s best, a.k.a. Pikes.
So we paid 20,000 pesos to get in to a club, got a free shot, and started looking around the place. There definitely were some hot girls there but we weren´t overly impressed. At this point we thought our odds would increase if we drank a few more beers and we definitely felt kind of out of place. In hindsight, drinking does not help our spanish game. We spotted the part of the club that had the highest per capita hottness in the club and in our attempt to ignore our uneasy feeling, we went straight for the corner with this group of girls. Before we approached them, we mentioned that they didn´t look like they wanted to interact with anybody outside of their group, it was some kind of girls night or bachlorette party. But sticking true to Brendan´s amp level and persuasion, we went in for the kill. He moved in first to one of the more attractive ones, i´d say an 8, and started talking with her. Meanwhile, i moved in on a 9, and attempted to work my Heimojo in spanish. About 30 seconds into our conversations, we looked at each other and instantly recognized that we we´re crashin hard in our attempts. We left the girls and regrouped to say how our conversations went.
My conversation contained maybe 4-5 sentences, mostly which were spoken by me, and the only thing she said to me was, ¨i have a boyfriend. leave me alone cause there are a lot of other girls here.¨ On that note like a jackass i said, ok, well it was nice to meet you and i enjoyed the talk.
Brendan´s conversation lasted 5 or 6 sentences long, just long enough for the chick to tell him that she had a girlfriend and wasn´t interested! As expected, Brendan tried to get the point across that he was cool with girl on girl action and 3-somes. she more or less responded with, no chance in hell.¨
¨We successfully achieved the most common shut down and the more unexpected I have a girlfriend. But the one thing we can say from this, in the famous word of Brendan P Mulholland at formal 07, ¨the only place we can go is up¨

fake tits n braces

hey jaboys! round one for me (internet cafes aint cheap muthafuckas)... trav kicked it off pretty well, but the story goes on (and then dies off quickly)..... weve (get used to no punctuation bc these spanish keyboards are more fucked up than jayce) had a few more solid nights with our columbian mofiosos... caught between a real old rock and a teetering on prepubescent hard place (that doesnt even make fucking sense) the next night we rolled with the crew after the one trav described heading to the bar I had to make the call between the post'menopause mom and the models friend from baranquilla (for everyone besides jayce thats where shakira is from)... volumptuous curves, sassy lil smile, huge fucking tits... AND braces!! the mitch in me percervered and i took the lil girl by the hand... tell chaz to send our salsa dancing dvd back, bc within minutes of getting this pico lil minor into the salsa club she wanted absolutely nothing to do with my gringo ass... my ability to dance salsa in columbia is verifiably as bad as bravos chances of having sex before (or after) marriage..... anyways, she moved onto heim, HE got to hold her hand while i sat looking on jealously and working on being nice enough not to get killed by the mobster... it all worked out though, bc daddy called toward the end of the night bf trav could hit it and said that fannie (siiiiick name right) had to be home so she wouldnt be tired for her quinceanera the next day.

Spent the last few days relaxing on the most beautiful fucking beach in the world (check it out on heimas fbook) and then hopped over on a night bus to the hometown of Pablo Escobar (Medellin)...... so far this place is rediculous... we got in on sun night and all that anyone at the hostel was talking about was how fucking hot the girls were here... actually thats pretty much all weve heard about this place period... it is the epicenter of cheap breast implants in the world... if trav and I dont have a few stories for you boys before we head out Im sellin the Nut on ebay.

much love,
B

The Colombian illegal money loaner

So scratch the whole brendan story, he´s busy so my version will have to suffice. Location= Cartagena, Colombia So on our 4th night in colombia, we decided to go out for our first night. We went to the main strip of bars and discos and eneded up at a bavarian bar because all the other places tried to charge us a ridiculuos entrance fee. They actually have gringo )white person) prices, and colombian prices. Being that it was me, brendan, and 3 irish guys, we didn´t have much of a chance escaping that door price. Anyhow, we were still the only gringos in the bar, as for most of the city as it is the off season. After a couple rounds of beer, I decided to lean over and talk to the very attractive colombian girl sitting near our table. Simply just to ask in spanish what time the bar closed. This didn´t go over so well as they thought that I was hitting on her. Little did i Know that she was a colombian model and her boyfriend was sitting right there. Once they told me that, I simply continued to carryon on a coversation in spanish and once they realized I didn´t simply want to hit on the HOT colombia, but just practice spanish, they warmed up to us. After about an hour and a half conversation with them in spanish, They invited brendan and myself, and the irish guys even though they never talked ot them, to come back to their place for some drinks. This is at 3 or 4 am. We decided it seemed fairly safe so we took a few taxis back to their place and continue to drink aguardiente, a fire water of around 35 percent alcohol, til 7 in the morning. They were acutally disappointed in us when we said we had to leave at 7 to go sleep. I think they could have patied til about 10 or so, and I haven´t even told you that their mom was partying this whole time with us! haha. Best part of the mom though was something I didn´t know. One of the reasons they invited us back to their place is because the 45 year old mom had been rubbign brendan´s leg in the bar. The next 3 hours in their house proceded with us teaching them how to shotgun beers, fuck yeah America!, and them pushing brendan into the mom´s room to ¨wake her up¨. It was a prety wierd dynamic as niether b or I wanted to cross the line and piss these locals off.
Towards around 6 am, we began asking one of our friends in spanish what he did for a living. He told us that they own a clothing store next store and that he illegally loans out money. I pressed this a bit further, and it turns out he loans money out to about 50 street vendors at 20 percent per month. That explained why when we walked the street with him all the vendors praised him and treated him like the king of the district. Anyhow, i continued on to ask him in spanish what happened to people when they didn´t pay him. Ver batum the answer was, ¨pues, yo llamo mis amigos quien tener motocicletas y pistolas.¨ translated meaning I call my friends who have motorcycles and guns and force them to pay. AT this point we were saying FUCK! we´re in a this fucking house with a drug lord-king of the bronx, and we´re wondering if we we´re in way over our heads.......The mom is still trying to hook up with brendan during this time and although he pushed it off that night, we are returngin to cartagena to party with them for his birthday so we will now begin the betting on whether he will get his nut with her.....She is a 6 for a 45 year old. Please vote on the home page....P.S. this may not all make sense but i´m too fucking hungry and lazy to edit my post...Le Heim

About Ja Boyz

Hola Chicos,
So this is a blog soley intended for Ja Boyz. Meaning we hope to provide entertainging stories for you guys, and I sure as hell hope they will be entertaining enough to fulfill the purpose of this second blog. Therefore, don´t send this one around to the girls because as you all know, I can burn bridges with the chicas perfectly well on my own......That being said, we´ve got at least 2 good stories for you and i´ll let BNut take it away.......